of life lately....

Why is life so tricky? Am i the only one suffering? (Yeah, I doubt it.) I have always tried to be the best friend that i can, the best listener and the best advice giver. I have always tried to be there for my friends whether from far away or close by, right there with them. However, I've realized i'm a hypocrite. Even when i think i'm the nicest person and even when i try to be selfless, i still fail as a friend. I have been talking to someone (a boy!) for the past two months now and he is all i ever think of lately. My friend made it crystal clear to me even if she didn't say it directly but it was implied: I am a HORRIBLE friend. I feel like when a love interest appears in someone's life that's all they think of and just wanna spend time with them. I mean, who wouldn't. The two of you are getting to know each other, trying to find things in common, trying to find out whether it could possibly be something else than friendship. I live in santa cruz and i try to go home on the weekends (but not that often). The times that i've gone, i've hung out with this particular person that i forgot about my friends whom always ask me when i'm going to be in town. the friends whom i have told i'll hangout with them because i haven't seen them in forever. Yeah, that never happened. Does that make me a bad friend? Or is it something that is bound to happen given that i've never had a boyfriend. I don't know this is all confusing. My friendship with my friends is confusing, my relationship with this guy is confusing. One day I am completely in "love" with him, and the next day it can completely change. We are not exclusive yet we're not seeing other people. I honestly don't know where we stand. Are we dating? Are we just casually hanging out? Does he want to be more than a friend? Why is he so damn shy??!

I feel like i'm over-thinking the situation--like i always do--but i just can't help it. If it feels right, would't you find a way to make it happen?? It is 2012, why am i still waiting for him to make a move?

I don't want to lose my friends over someone who it is hard to say i really know. I need space, i need time to breathe....so much in my mind......

trying new things....

For some reason, I have always been afraid of trying new things  but i always end up doing them. I like to be spontaneous and though i think my life can be pretty boring i still end up having fun. Nonetheless, there are things that you can only do once because you end up not digging them. My friend's birthday was this past Thursday and she wanted to go to the club to celebrate, so we did. After going i realized that clubs aren't really what i'm all about, yeah i had fun but there were things i didn't like. For starters, this business of being a girl is not easy at all since there are a lot of components that come a long with our gender. For the past few years i've been trying to change the way i dress, be a little more girly and i must say it's been a challenge (haha). Two, wearing high heals is just not fun at all, i mean it takes practice but i just hate it! and three, there a lot of guys that just go to the club to hit on girls and check them out. I much rather go to concerts where nobody really cares how you're dress, what brand you are wearing etc etc.....I don't regret going because i truly had fun and i'm glad i'm being more open when it comes to trying new things because life is all about taking risks :)

I just hope i can remain myself in the process of growing up  

Everlong...

It's been months and months since i last blogged and i am having a hard time trying to figure out why and where i left off. I felt like i was using blogging as a diary (at times), i also felt like i was writing about the same things time and time again. But i guess those are issues/topics that matter to me so why over think it... who knows...

So much going on in my life thus far and i must say the feeling is overwhelming for reasons i cannot explain. A good friend of mine asked why i stopped blogging and he suggested i should start again....so here it is.

This is just the beginning of a semi-new chapter in my short and uneventful life.

let's start all over, shall we?

have a swell night! 

<3