Where did I go wrong?

I had an appointment with my college adviser to make sure I'm on the right track to graduate (two more quarters and i'll be done!!). Everything was going great; I was talking to her about my possible plans after I graduate and she seemed as stoked as I was until....she decided to rain on my fucken parade! I am aware my g.p.a is low and I am also aware that graduate schools look at our grades and our GPA. I have come a long way for someone that doesn't even know me tell what what I already know I need to do in order to raise my GPA. She said "I see that you are really serious about graduate school but we need to work on this " *pointing at my GPA* and I told her that I was aware and that I was pretty close and to that she said "well 2.89 is not that close, you would have to get straight A's to get to a 3.0 at least.." REALLY??? REALLY??? thank you so fucken much for have a little bit of fucken faith in me. I gotta say, i feel pretty fucke proud of myself as I have come a long way and I'm still here and graduating pretty soon. I must be doing something right, don't you think? Well thanks very ,uch for making feel like shit as if I didn't have enough with how hard I am on myself. I am not afraid to say that I have failed many classes. I am not afraid to say that I have struggled and I still do. College is not easy. Please put yourself in my shoes (if you don't go to college). Things don't come easy to me. I am not smart, I just try my best to learn and get by. As of now, she crushed me but if I know I want to go to graduate school then i fucken will because i know what i want to do with my life.....I still want to know how I've made it this far but at times it doesn't matter. I have failed and I am not scared to say it. I just wish people wouldn't be so judgmental. Just because I am in college does not mean I am perfect and it does not mean I know everything. Be kind to one another, support one another. If you have friends/family/relatives in college and are or are not struggling just support them and be there for them in their journey. Being in college has made me grumpy, sad, anti social, tired, physically and spiritually weak/tired and I am trying to make it through and I've been doing a good job at it, I just don't let people know how I feel. My parents don't know and neither do my brothers and even close friends. I am alone in this journey (in a way) because at times people can't really understand my pain and what I am going through. All i know is that I am doing it and I am truly trying :)

Feeding the mind..

I just read a blog that made me think and realize many many things. First, I wonder why I don't take the time to do intellectual stuff like read for fun, read the newspaper, keep up with the latest news as opposed to the latest gossip. Why can't I read a whole article about what's going on in in the middle east without getting bored or wanting to search for the latest celebrity news. This is one thing I hate about myself and  I do admit to it. Many people have lost their hope in humanity because of the stupid shit we are capable of doing, all the stupid stuff that can get us our 15 minutes of fame.

I think this should be my new year's resolution: try to read more and learn more about the world and what's going on. I want to crave learning. I'm in college for god's sake, I should be motivated to learn!!

My friend posted a quote from the blog and a link. I loved the quote so I went on to read the blog. This person blogged about sexuality, a topic we all know well (or so I hope we do). And it is true what he said, why do we have to base everything in our sexuality? Why can't we love whoever we want? Why can't we change/shift roles once in a while? What if man stayed home and women went to work? I mean I'm sure nowadays some men are stay-home-dads but I'm sure not that many. I still don't understand why we can't break away from the biases and norms society has put up.

This reminds me of the time my mom told me she wanted me to marry someone who went to college. I mean sure that's always nice, but what if I fall in love with someone who works at a retail store or as a waiter? Why does it matter whether he graduated high school or if he went to college? I mean I'm all about education but why can't I be the provider? Why can't I take on the male role? What if one day unexpectedly I fall for a girl? DOES THAT REALLY MATTER? My mom says she has nothing against gay people, and I believe her. I have a cousin who is gay and my uncle (my mom's brother is also gay) but she doesn't think it's right or proper to be with a guy and then fall for a girl.

The quote my friend posted is the following:
"without stomping on anybody's sexual preference or history, I wonder what would happen we stopped thinking in terms of sexuality all together. What if we inhabited a cultural space where people's sexuality or gender was fluid, where you could be dating someone of a different gender one day and then up and decide, hey, you want to do this other thing now--without being ridiculed, guilted, or made to identify? What if we removed all the labels and just explored human sensations?"

Whether we agree or disagree about this, I am sure we all agree on one thing: Love is wonderful, we're all looking for that special someone. I don't think it's bad to have thought about what it would be like to be with someone of the same sex, I don't think that makes someone gay. I know I have thought about it and I also know that I have liked someone of my same sex. SO WHAT? Nonetheless, I do fear that if at some point in my life I find a girl whom I love and feel a connection with that I wouldn't know how to break it down to my parents  (though I know they'll understand, it's never that simple).

With this being said, have a lovely night and be free to love whoever you want. I know I won't judge :)

link to the blog: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/is-heterosexuality-real/#PDL3EDrKdyFvfQsu.99