Forgive & Forget

i feel like lately i've been holding on so many emotions & i'm ready to let them out. i still don't get how i can live with someone who is fake, antisocial and inconsiderate....at least that's the person she has become to me. i don't know if i should feel bad for not giving her the chance to talk to me but at the same time she did not take the initiative to talk to me and welcoming me into a new place that i'm supposed to call home. i am talking about one of my housemates. me and her don't really talk and when she talks to me she sounds so fake and i just don't try to keep up or get into a conversation. i am usually a friendly person and i don't know where all this anger is coming from. i am mad at myself, i am mad at the world and i am mad at the people who i love or once loved.

 i don't understand how someone you (or i) cared so much for just disappears and appears in my life whenever they want to. in this case i am talking about a specific someone. i need to learn how to forgive, move on and let go of someone who i thought was "mine." i think that made me so pessimistic when it comes to love. i also don't get how i can live life with that person in the back of my mind, i just don't get it but i think i will get it once i get answers to my questions but who am i kidding that is NEVER going to happen. i think so far in my 20 years in this living world i've only had one shot at love and i am not sure if i blew it but then again i was in high school, but isn't high school where you get into the whole dating scene? well that was totally NOT the case for me. i am  mad at that person even though i know i shouldn't and even\though i know i'm really not. i miss this person like crazy but i just don't show it. he's gone and i need to accept that. he is gone for good and he is probably living his life without me crossing his mind, not even for a second...of that i'm sure. i feel so pathetic but that's just me and i need to deal with it.

some people are just not worth it. some people are not worth my friendship. i am too nice to be surrounded by careless & selfish people. i have faith that one day i will find my kurt cobain kind of guy or my jim morrison or perhaps my tom gabel who knows. for now i'll just keep dreaming, dreaming until my dreams come true...hopefully <3

nite!

L.